My beloved Baby,
How could I have known that day when I came back to work at Gompers after being away for six months that I would have found you and your soulmate Belle? I had never had a bunny before and me, your daddy, dog brother and sister, could never have imagined that you would hop your amazing heart and huge feet into our lives and permanently etch your being on our souls. When I saw each day how you were being treated in that classroom, as a therapy bunny so to speak, when all you wanted was just to be happy and free and loved, I knew what I had to do. I knew that I was the only one feeding you, watering you, playing with you and loving you. I had to convince them that you needed a real home and not to live in a tiny cage seven days a week with no room to move or play or even really stretch out. You were a baby and you were still growing...maybe six months old at the most...and you were getti ng huge, as long as my leg, and you needed a real home with a real family. You needed your own room (with Belle) with all the space, toys and treats a bunny could ever need. I succeeded Baby and I brought you home at Thanksgiving 2006 and you never returned back to that place. You finally were home.
I didn't know how much my life would change after rescuing you and Belle. I didn't realize I could be owned by somebun since I had only been owned by somepups. I never knew I was a bunny person but you obviously did. You knew it in your heart that I was yours. I was honored, proud and oh so happy to be your mommy! To be loved by you was to truly understand what love was. To be loved by you was the absolute in all of life. Once home you made your mark on the television cords, the computer cords, the camera cords, the lamp cords, the basket that holds the remotes, daddy's shoelaces, the coffee table, the ficus seedling, the pillows, the bedspread, daddy's shirts, the various blankets you cuddled up in, the dog's toy baskets and last but not least my heart. You were the silliest, cutest, sweetest, kissiest, happiest and most amazing bunny in the history of the bunny world. You were the funniest bunny always spazzing out, flying through the air, doing bliss rolls all the time and wreaking havoc at every turn; terrorizing the dogs by hopping all nine pounds onto them as they slept. Everyone loved you and everyone could not believe that you were a bunny. You acted more like a dog following me around, seeking me out and hopping up to do nothing but smother me, my face, my lips, my nose, my forehead, my cheeks, my arms, my legs, my feet and my hands with your kisses. You were the kissiest bunny in the world...so much so that I took you to the vet because I thought you had a problem and the excessive kissing was part of it. The vet said you were fine. But in hindsight maybe it was something that was wrong and that's ultimately the reason you passed so young. Maybe knowing now what I didn't know then would have altered the outcome of your very short (too short) life? I don't know. What I do know is that I can finally after seven months talk about you without crying. I also know that I have never felt such a huge hole in my heart and that hole will never be filled. The day you died a big part of me died too. I had to stay strong for Belle because she and I lost our soulmate and we needed each other in order to get through it. We spent every waking moment together and I gave to her all the love I had for you, and whenever I wanted to retreat and cry because of the pain your absence brought me, I stopped and channeled that energy and love into her. I think it saved both of us because she and I grew so close, Baby. You would be so proud of her because she's so much more loving and trusting now. In fact, she acts like you somedays. I know that first week, after you passed, you had to be here because she went into the bedroom and then into our closet...where you used to go. She NEVER did that so I know it was you leading her. She does things now that only you did and I know, in my heart, that it's you my sweet boy. I know you're here and I am grateful for that.
I had you cremated and put in that beautiful urn with the three bunnies on top. The inscription reads: My Beloved Baby, Such A Very Special Soul, Forever In My Heart, Happy Funny Kissy Bunny. I wish I could hold you one last time. I wish we could put our foreheads together and breathe like we used to. I miss how you would close your eyes and just be at peace because you loved the feel of my breath on your face. The last video I have of us is you and me sharing space and breath. I loved that, Baby! I loved that that was our special time together. I cannot watch the videos yet and I still struggle every day because the pain is still there. Your absence is palpable and this home is not the happy home it once was. It's different now and everything has changed. You weren't a ray of sunshine Baby...you WERE the sun! You made everyone happy and I pray each moment that I made you even half as happy as you made me. I think of you every day. I feel your kisses on my ankles sometimes and I talk to you. Do you hear me? Do you know how much I love you and I will ALWAYS love you? I hope so. My sweet boy, I love you and miss you to the depths of my soul and that's all I really want you to know.
After two months we adopted a new friend for Belle. She missed you still so much that she spent all day cuddled up with that stuffed dog I gave her that looks like you. She kissed it all the time too. Zeus is a wonderful boy and he's so sweet. You'll be happy to know that he loves her so very, very much!! I know she still wants you but we've both realized that loving another bun doesn't lessen or diminish our love for you. It's part of the cycle of life and all bunnies deserve loving families and warm, safe and nurturing homes. Zeus is definitely deserving of a wonderful life and he and Belle did finally bond and do love each other deeply but you two were soulmates...love at first sight. No one will ever replace you but as long as I breathe I will open our home and hearts to bunnies in need - and you would love Zeus because he's a very special boy too.
Even seven months later, Baby, you are as much a part of my heart and Belle's heart today as you were a year and a half ago when we first met and I fell in love with your gentle soul and extraordinary spirit. You truly were one in a million, Baby, and I will love you for all of eternity.
I will keep you safe in my heart and I will see you someday at The Rainbow Bridge. Until then...have fun, my sweet boy, and eat all the banana you want! :)
Love forever,
Mommy and Belle
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